Heracles – The Nicest, Strongest Man you Ever Did Meet

Heracles in battle with the legendary Golden Fleece

Heracles, or more commonly known – Hercules, was an immortal Greek hero born from the Greek God, Zeus, and a mortal woman who went by the name of Semele.

At a young age Heracles was making enemies. None more so than Queen of the Gods Hera who was also Heracles surrogate Mother for a very brief spell.

An initial altercation between Heracles and Hera occurred soon after the boys birth when Hera was breast-feeding Heracles and what seemed like a show of his already super-human strength, sank his gums into the poor God’s left nipple. She flung the infant from her burning nipple, spurting cosmic God milk into the universe creating what we have come to know as the Milky-Way (ahem).

Upon realising that Heracles was not part of the pantheon of God’s, she sent a wily band of snakes to strangle the tiny-tearaway in his crib. Heracles did what any future hero would do, turning the snakes into TY plush toys.

Hera imparted madness upon our Hero causing Heracles to commit all manner of dastardly acts and sins. In penance for this period of extreme rebellion and insanity, King Eurystheus (supported by the she-bitch Hera) tasked Heracles with 12 majorly difficult labours. Most of which included slaying an assortment of ravenous, mythical beasts and, erm, herding sheep.


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